It’s Billie Jean, Not Billie Eilish
This morning, my 10-year-old son was returning to his ‘COVID-19-elementary-school-distance-learning-life’ after the end of Winter Break. Today is known as an asynchronous learning day by our esteemed public school district, meaning that the kids spend the day working independently, rather than having online live instruction via Microsoft Teams.
My son was diligently working on his language arts assignment at the kitchen table and wanted to spice up the mood, so he asked me if he could listen to some music while he worked. I said, “Yes”, and then told my Echo Show device (which was sitting at the corner of the table), “Alexa, play top kids songs!” Without delay, Alexa replied “Playing the top kids songs on Amazon Music!” and started playing the adorable kids tune “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes!”
My 10-year-old son was not having it! After a classic pre-teen groan of displeasure, he uttered in fine10-year-old exasperation, “No! Alexa, play top trap music songs!”
His 40-something-year-old father was not having that! After a vintage look of feigned shock, I came over the top with a dad-vibed, “No! Alexa, play top pop songs — Clean!”
Alexa replied, “Playing the top pop clean songs on Amazon Music!”, and started to play a song acceptable to both a 10-year old and his “boomer” dad. My son, now somewhat appeased, got back to his asynchronous learning.
After a few songs into Alexa’s playlist, an “old” pop song came on. My son immediately looked up at the Alexa screen, and apparently was a little confused by the artist information that he saw there. He asked, “Is this Michael Jackson singing?”
I looked up at him from across the table and said, “Yeah!”, pride beating in my heart from the thought that my TikTok-era kid recognized that epic 80’s voice. My son looked at me quizzically and asked, “Then why is Alexa saying that the song is by Billie Eilish?”
Now I was confused. By the time I looked over to the Echo Show screen, the song information had disappeared. I tapped on the screen and when the song details popped up, I quickly realized my son’s fatal error. I exclaimed (in my finest exasperated “boomer” dad voice), “That’s Billie Jean, not Billie Eilish!”
With my head now buried deep in my hands, beating pride eviscerated, I at least thought that my answer would immediately clear my son’s youthful confusion. Apparently, however, my son was still very much confused, and likely thinking “Who the heck is Billie Jean?”, because he just sat there silently staring at the Alexa screen for a while.
It was not until those classic lyrics soon came out of Alexa, “Billie Jean is not my lover — She’s just a girl who claims that I am the one — But the kid is not my son” that my son finally exclaimed, “Oh! Now I get it!”
Moral of the story — Reading is fundamental! (Clearly, our esteemed public school district has failed here.)
Second moral of the story — Teach your kids about the classics, please! (Clearly, I have failed there.)
With all that being said, I just can’t wait for the follow-up question from him being, “Why is Michael Jackson saying all those things about Billie Jean, and what does he mean ‘the kid is not my son’?”
On second thought, maybe I should have let him listen to trap music after all!
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“Billie Jean” is a song by American singer Michael Jackson, which he also wrote and composed. It was produced by Jackson and music producer Quincy Jones, and was released by Epic Records on January 2, 1983.
